As I Live And Breathe

by He Films The Clouds

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credits

released April 1, 2017

Zedadiah Martinez on Life
Chaney Crabb on As I Live and Breathe
Ant Turner from Lanturn Designs

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He Films The Clouds Riverside, California

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Track Name: Mist
Pain breathes in a gathering of what should've been and what couldn't be
Are we pulling at straws ?

Bordering concepts of our denial
So fear pervades the scent of desire
You're fair-weather.
Even now, that I'm certain, I am lost
Trapped in this vague terrain
I promise you that I still know you way
I still know my way

Eccedentesiast,
Play along this insanity
Realize we are the face of duality
Our facade is measured in cold rain.

Being aware of my lungs and the reach of my hands , I turned from everyone

Wanton blame is blurred up sorrow
Leave what they stole far behind
Parting is an innocent, dry falling of our commonplace

Greater straits and brighter sights beyond
Like mist, it's just a fleeting moment of a vision as it vanishes
And I'll keep holding on until I can't
But I'm only-

Tracks disappear into the detriment
So long, they separate the lines
Paved over burnt bridges and native delusions, of the grandeur or the lesser, how could we have ever known ?

Palms blur along the road and shape what could be called a home.

Where the state melts with shadow and shelter of former self
We can crash at any sign tonight
And at any moment that these lights decide to pass us by

The populace would sleep through this edified
Your witnesses are on guarded walls
It's all the same
It's all the same
Now there's a list brandishing my back
Motions of an end gleaming through
And in the distance, like a soft, beating pulse, in heart and in bloom
I'm only so frail and human

We put our faith behind people
They all dismantle the scenery
Motions of an end gleaming through with
Reverberant actions I can't hold onto anymore

Greater straits and brighter sights beyond
Like mist, it's just a fleeting moment of a vision
And I'll keep holding on until I can't
But I'm just human
I'm frail
Track Name: Import
None of this matters
And none of it’s important
Prey on the corners cut out of their bodies
Lips become the wind

Only passing for a moment
A moment after 2x

Wrapped like tarp on the hymns of
Reading tablets for neck-romantics
You can never run far enough to forget who you are
Take you further than you want to go
I'm in the picture but etched into the corner

I can feel your censor
Your chemical
My deaf ears
Vertiginous coma
I seek an answer
The remedy of Cimmerian substance
Memories shattered like glass
Mouth of a recreant mind-sewn black hole

Dry twigs and bone to be left alone
Away from her to see and what's here before me;
Forming misconceptions of you.
Mind sewn, Blackhole.

And I watched the deviance take you.
Set forth from wings made of wax, dissolve, revolve.
Held together by the wreathe of your lies; I yearn those eyes.
Intuition tangible, but I hope his hand was worth it all.
I'm your scapegoat, a means to an end; Goodbye, my friend
Track Name: Janus Complex
The year of crossroads without words
Head for the branches up ahead
I can’t rest 'til I’m sure reveries no longer sneak through cracks of the door
Finish? Why? What will we find?
See through to the other side.

Passion is pushing my pride

Yew and pearls
Feathered, haunted world
I turned the locks on fading memories
Unhinged the floor right where we stand
Heart to Heart
Hand to Hand
We’re falling so far
Out of existence , into the dark

Kiss me like you still want to die
(Let’s take the Earth)
Wish another second hand wind
(Bury her)
But I know I’m not the only one torn apart by red-lining circles to meet again

We can lose ourselves in silence
We can paint ourselves in pictures of distorted greens and violets
So just a know that I still believe in you
But I just can’t see you

I had visions where the song could survive
“This isn’t what was planned”
But we were alone
We were so alive
Splintered wood gave meaning like a bridge to the light

White waves
Captured pixels in place
The past, in here, had been undone
(The past, in here, had been undone)
Two suns
Two suns
(Shattered homes descending)
Can I please just stay awhile?
(Can I please just stay awhile?)

Lethean veins have cornered to new daze
(Hangover: The new way)
Flattery is holding me
(They take away,
The Temporary)
Can I please just stay?

I could wrap your thoughts up in twine
But you've had the peace of my mind
Sympathetic orchid found within a bag of paper words
Your curses I forgot in elevator walls have fallen into dark

Kiss me like you still want to die and
(take the Earth)
Wish another second hand wind
(Bury her)
No, you're not the only one
No, you're not the only one that's torn apart to meet again

We can lose ourselves in silence
We can paint ourselves in pictures of distorted greens and violets
So just know that I still believe in you
But I just can’t see you

::Somnia Prehenderat::

The truth is I was stuck on a form of you that wasn’t really there anymore
The temples split open while the knees waver

You’re not in control
I know that right now it may seem
A dream in a dream
But there’s a lie in that vapor
It’s a disease bottle-packed in worry lines and grinding teeth
We’re caterwauls
We’re caterwauls
We're caterwauls
We're caterwauls

I've confessed
My freed weakness
Track Name: Songbirds
Stolen
For a debt sewn in my regret
From the mourning I come to ascension

Man, he kills the bird
He ends the singing
In turn, his own life

The sky isn’t falling
It’s only coming into reach
This city should not exist
We’ve gone too far
Only crows keep calling on decay and foster
The embers of fathers

You’re early to be this bright
Close the tear so they cannot see you
Stay back
The way you remind me
Of someone I knew back when I had
So much to give and suffer
It kills me
Second chances have crumbled into variables
Let’s meet at the border of Heaven and Earth

DISTANT AND DEFIANT
AND I FEEL MORE VIOLENT

This society’s time has come up for dust
The rampant might compel you
Their vying confines repel the few
Some dressed for the blame,
Others, sovereignty
Either way, they’re burning down
All so that I can save you
I’ve become my anger
The women
The children
Admit it
They’re demons
Oh God can you spare them of me now?

All of their secrets have come for you
If I could, I’d reach in and pull you out
There must be something that I could do
Cause I won’t let you die in here

Solace in my arms
Brought up in my ardor
I could be your martyr
In my arms
In my arms

The sky isn’t falling
It’s only coming into reach
We begin anew
Under rapture
Distant and defiant
And I feel more violent
Track Name: Permacoma
Nothing that comforts will ever set me free from what's beneath
Take in the air that we breathe
But your content's bare
Wearing me so thin
Wearing whats within

I feel the azure in the rain
I see the fear within your veins
Everything is meant to come down
Everything must come down
The mindless static saturates
I choose for you to see your fate
Azure rain must come down

Desperation seeks the simplest answers
Now we look within to brave these chaotic times
As I see the world crashing before my eyes I crave the silence
I may meditate on all of my foresights and inter-violence

How can this be real?
Not a single soul at ease
Our minds in a fray afar
Can this truly appeal
Inhale everything we need
Depart

No one can see it
No one would dare try to explain it
I have tried
And I have failed
Your questions have no answers
They contain what it is that you seek

This perms-coma has me in awe
So frequently I lose all hope, in turn
This existence contains the fuel from which a flame emerges
To forever burn
To forever burn

I feel the azure in the rain
I see the fear within your veins
Everything is meant to come down
Everything must come down
The mindless static saturates
I choose for you to see your fate
Azure rain must come down

Desperation seeks the simplest answers
Now we look within to brave these chaotic times
As I see the world crashing before my eyes I crave the silence
I may meditate on all of my foresights and inter-violence

Temper your eyes and you will see what doors open and the places you will be
Track Name: Crater
I've been dreaming about you again
A curtain closed on harpists and shells
Audience stays

For all the scapes I've made
Promises that relapsed along the wake
I'm so sorry
You are a part of me I lost
Just out of reach
Stemmed out of maple leaves,
Our story's incendiary

Forgive me
Don't forget me
Just seek the rise
And run

Take us back
When we were pinned to the sidewalk Miraleste
And their judgement could not stand
Cause we knew we were always meant to last

I hope you'll hear it in my voice
The divide between who I was and how I'm longing for impressions that I awoke
To hold you closer to my word

I should have been there
You should be right here with me
Convalescent walk reminiscent of
The wrongs that I can't write

I'd trade
And I'd beg
For all

For all the scapes I've made
Promises that relapsed along the wake
I'm so sorry now
You are a part of me I lost
Just out of reach
I'm so sorry now

Please believe me
I'm still trying
Please believe

Sometimes we've taken fondness as far as it will go
Countenance fell before the fold
We are moving forward
We're always racing home as the twilight shade hits

Rebirth on wounded wings
I don't have the answers but I don't have to pretend
Can't stop looking away
Can't keep my fingers crossed
Find your reason
Finish her come for the descent

Maybe it is not so wrong that I found you
Lay to rest our loss and fall into scintillation

Lay to rest our loss and fall into scintillation

For all the scapes I've made
Promises that relapsed along the wake
I'm so sorry
You are a part of me I lost
Just out of reach
Stemmed out of maple leaves,
Our story's incendiary
Track Name: Fireworks
Save my eyes from this scene
What I carved and killed myself to be
Matricidal design prying me from my hold on anything and everything

I’ve been dealing in lies and deceit
Fed from lines straight from the seams
This business is lithium, popped to prey my prime

What am I to do when I’m trying so hard to prove I’m real
If I could ever get things right I think I'd melt at every stall
And then I’d actually show the face behind this mask of bone and skin
And revel in the act of fear, asking why I just can't feel

I’m doing everything I can to understand what took you away from me
But at the end of it all, this is who I am
..
I really thought that I could change

Fire and cold contain me
Cascading explosions in the night remind me I’m so tired out
Of my life and this disease thats torturing my mind

I’ve been trained to behave behind these backshot eyes
But I need more

Let me burn before I sleep

I’m sitting on the edge
Trapped behind these walls
Strapped to my own fault
Left my time to rot
Bend and break foreplay
Dim the memories that once lit this tomb

An empty hourglass , buried in sand
Broken in time and loss
A ceiling stare from holes (left my time to rot)
Hope held him up for so long
It wrings him at the neck

And what will you say?
Desire another frame, to laugh and learn and love, when it’s hard enough to breathe ?

I can’t seem to give anymore away
I just need you to stay
Can we collide in the sky?

Fire and cold contain me
Cascading explosions in the night remind me I’m so tired out
Of my life and this disease thats torturing my mind
So tired out
Track Name: Nimbus
Bedlam
What do I have left to stand on?
I'm a host to dawnting facts
And everyone wants a piece
But there's no turning back

No one deserves this
We had our plans
No blame to give
But we will stand and persevere
Change, and we will stand; persevere
Convince me
Anything
I could live life in whole (fine untold)

Are you awake yet? Because I have to go now
Are you awake yet? No one deserves this fatal design
Maelstrom of our own trade
It causes tumult on a crawl to a fitting fissure

Take on your wings my encompassing burden
Make my love and light take us away from here
So you may soon will fight
Let me tell you a tale
Let me sing you a song
Let me host your lullaby

Everything has come to a threshold I can't take
Moving so swiftly has my stomach in knots
Everything has come to a deadlock in my brain
And I refuse to budge
Or bend
Or speak
Or move

Don't let these trials deter from what's in store for you
Your prize, your everything

Take heed from every wise word and all the passers and know what's in store for you
Your cherished promised land

You don't have to be the one to choose a side
A paradigm
Track Name: Life (ft. Zedadiah Martinez)
Day after day I walk on the tightropes, searching, a reason for being.
This is my process of breathing.
Why take this away from me, when all I ever wanted to do was dream?
Help me find a way back home
Cedar woods and candles mend my bones.

Shattered remains of what I once knew
Cold in the bathtub is where I found you.
I said I want to
I swear I want to
All these shattered remains of what I once knew
Cold in the bathtub is where I found you.
I said I want to
I swear I want to

These porcelain faces glisten
Behind the pale shroud
Where is the sun?
Lost
Without focus
Blissful and hopeless I drift

Nihility
Safe from those eyes
Hung by a loop that you wove
I found the grey

Shattered remains of what I once knew
Cold in the bathtub is where I found you.
Day after day
I walk on the tightropes
Searching a reason for being
This is my process of breathing
Why take this away from me, when all I ever wanted to do was dream?
Help me find a way back home
Cedar woods and candles mend my bones.

Shattered remains of what I once knew
Cold in the bathtub is where I found you.
I said I want to
I swear I want to
All these shattered remains of what I once knew
Cold in the bathtub is where I found you.
I said I want to
I swear I want to

Pitch black; all my thoughts
Alone again
Alone again
Track Name: Cold Call
Passed the point of exception
I am paralyzed from being grazed upon
And they haven’t had enough
Come to terms with scales wrapped around my skin
Prey for aid

Lost my space in time
Spinning behind images circumventing what resembles rust

Rip
Torn
Separated from the matter of use
Pardoned by dissection of ready cons
That have a way with your thoughts in mind

Fate folds in the night
Self-terrified
So certain
Defied by a shackle of my own

The letters don’t come together anymore
The message isn’t clear
I know you’re in there
Somewhere, you’re in there
Wanting and waiting

When I’m made low
Will you still believe?
Will you still believe in me?
Census will show
I will grow or know the lament that receives me

I’ve given up before I can start
Can I wake up just once?

Passed the point of exception
I am paralyzed from being grazed upon
And they haven’t had enough
Come to terms with scales wrapped around my skin
Prey for aid

Haven’t had enough
Grazed up

If I could stay inside eternity’s flight
And subside into slumber
There’s a chance that I would never rise

My day starts backwards
I am wired, nervous, stained and fractured
And I am failing to scratch the surface (find the answer)

I’ve given up before I can start
Can I wake up just once?
Just once ?!

If I could stay inside eternity’s flight
And subside into slumber
There’s a chance that I would never rise

My day starts backwards
I am wired, nervous, stained and fractured
And I am failing to scratch the surface (find the answer)

I’ve given up before I can start
Can I wake up just once?
Track Name: As I Live and Breathe (ft. Chaney Crabb)
My dismal haze
Polished, fake
Suspended under sundered stained glass rays
I gave in to the pressure

I’m perfectly imperfect
Proportioned to my hate

Waive away this body of pain

What is this supposed to mean
When I choke on water and smoke?
When I thought this wretch of ink would lead to something more?
More dissolved against the strokes, am I starless in my ire, but solid in my hide?

So, am I worth saving now?
Am I worth that symbol of saving?
If there's some way to be revived
Could you tell me?
Someone tell me I can alright if I hold out

I've disconnected myself just to earn my place and dilate
Faceted design of carbon base
And I'm left bound
And I'm wracked with questions
Offering a shine that I could never make
But this stone was paid for
I was paid for

Have i staked a claim where I gave a pulse to my own flaws
I've made this chain-linked weight
That will always stay my way
I've tried to redeem the
The pieces in the back of my mind
But I've lost my
My sight
And I tell myself
Keep moving
Keep shaking
Hoping
I can't do this anymore
I don't have the strength to be sanctified

So, am I worth saving now?
Am I worth that symbol of saving?
If there's some way to be revived
Could you tell me?
Someone tell me I can alright if I just hold out now?

I've been searching
for the meaning and mending of life

I've been crushed to the depths of my own ilk
I've been crushed to the depths

I've been searching
for the meaning and mending of life
And we're not giving up on our side
I know there's got to be a way out of this misfortune
Or mayhem
Misfortune or mayhem

I'm only coming back to feed the beast that killed me
I'm only coming back for the sake of the light of who I really am

The thing about light
It churns out who I really am
The unresting light
It churns out what I can't